Being a parent can be rough. It’s both the biggest blessing and the most challenging job you probably will ever have. No matter how many handbooks, guides, podcasts or videos you watch, you will never be fully prepared for what life with kids throws at you.
Going back to work after having a child is an adjustment that I think no one is ever ready for (I wasn’t). You don’t want to leave your little one, childcare is expensive, and when you clock out from your day job exhausted, you still have all the responsibilities at home. Between cooking, cleaning, homework, baths and laundry, work is never truly done for a mom. Shout out to all the moms working and raising children🙌🏼! I’ve been there; I see you mama (✿◠‿◠)!
Now this post is not a vs. between working and Sahm (stay-at-home mom) because we all know, both have their challenges (both are amazing) and being a mom is one of the toughest jobs there is. Both working moms and homemaker’s jobs are extremely demanding, and honestly, we are all just trying to do our best!
I happened to be able to experience both sides of this lifestyle. When raising my son, I was working full-time. It was a struggle for me, because I felt like I missed a lot of moments by not being able to fully be there. I wished I could have stayed home with him but in that season of my life it wasn’t an option I had. I envied the moms who could stay home with their kids, and I always thought that if I ever had the opportunity to do that, I would welcome it with no hesitation (I had no clue about manifesting then). After my daughter was born (during covid), that opportunity arose. Let me just say, the transition was not as easy as I thought it would be. Here, I share some tips I learned and wish I had, before I transitioned to a stay-at-home mom.
1. Home All The Time
At first, staying home actually seemed really nice. Almost too nice. There was no rush to be at a job at a certain time, worry about clients, phone calls or meetings that needed to be made. It was a sense of calmness in a way, different from the hustle culture you’re in when you’re working. I seemed to have so much time with my child during the day now. Catching up on sleep was nice and not having to rush to get ready in the mornings seemed even better. And some days, I didn’t bother getting ready at all. My mornings before were productively setting me up for the day. Now, sweatpants, t-shirts, and messy 3-day hair buns unfortunately had become my new norm. After a while, I felt like I was falling into a slump and was honestly starting to feel like a slob. This is not to say that if you aren’t always “ready” in the mornings you’re a slob. I’ll still have a day here and there, where I just want to relax in comfy clothes and not wear makeup or throw my hair up in a bun. I just don’t do that consistently now because I feel so much better when I’m put together and ready to tackle the day.
The dream home life I had imagined, wasn’t really coming out how I expected it. Somehow, with all the upkeep of the home, cooking and caring for children (one of them having class on zoom) I never seemed to have enough time in the day to get everything done. This is especially difficult, if you were never really taught homemaking or didn’t have that as an example while growing up. Without structure, I lacked motivation. Instagram moms made it look so easy and picture perfect. What was I not getting right? Why did it seem so difficult to get everything I wanted done, even though I seemed to have more time? I realized, I’m someone who functions better when I feel I have a goal. What was my goal now, being home all day (other than keeping my children alive of course)?
Going from working and having a set of tasks for the day seemed much easier to me than staying home and just going with the flow. I was a very organized person before, and I thrived that way without knowing it. I use to wish I could have a carefree personality (like my husband) but I’ve tried and failed miserably. My brain just functions better with some sort of structure and that’s ok because I embrace that now.
Before having my daughter, I would pick up my son from school, after work and come home to cook dinner. While he was doing his homework, or sometimes even after he went to bed, I would catch up on some cleaning. The home was pretty empty during the day, so there was not much “mess” to clean up. Suddenly, I had two kids at home all day with extra meals, dishes, laundry and messes to clean. This probably sounds familiar to a lot of people during covid because it really changed the home scene for everyone. Only the difference was when kids went back to school, and parents went back to the office, I stayed home with my little girl.
2. Creating A Routine
Some, like me, work better with some form of organization. I love me a good checklist. Something about physically checking off a task after you completed it brings me a small sense of joy (google calendars work too). That, and I happen to be a very visual person (call me old fashioned but I love me a cute planner) and seeing it clear on paper lets my brain organize things better. When I was working, I had to make the most of my weekends to get everything done. Staying organized with a checklist helped me prioritize what needed to be taken care of and assured that I wouldn’t forget anything important. This tip was helpful to me for bringing back routine in my day. You can use any scrap of paper for this. I sometimes save the extra envelopes that come in the mail with bills and use those to write down my checklists. If you don’t like to write things down and prefer the digital route your phone should have a free calendar or notes app. There are plenty of other apps, free and for purchase that you can download on your phone or computer. I find that seeing my day as a list in front of me, gives me an expectation of how my day will flow. Be mindful and don’t overflow your day with tasks either. I used to do this, because I wanted to get everything done in one day. It was impossible for me and would just set me up for failure or disappointment. Try and pick 3-5 (depending on what you can manage) and prioritize those tasks first. Once you get the hang of organizing your tasks, your days begin to have more structure. I like to create my list the night before. This helps me “unload” my brain from overthinking of all the things I need to get done tomorrow. Now that it’s on my list, I just wake up and take a look at what I have going on for that day.
Finding your rhythm at home may take some practice and tweaking at first to see what works best for you and your family. There are many different factors each family has to take into consideration. For example, my oldest goes to school. That means I have to factor in pick-ups and drop-offs into my schedule. If they are in sports or extra curriculars, you would need to factor those in as well. Homeschoolers schedules may look a little different than that and so on. My schedule involves drop offs and pick-ups from school and sports for my oldest while also homeschooling my youngest. I have to factor these non-negotiables into my day when planning. All appointments, grocery or school shopping, cleaning and cooking, need to be worked around that.
Which brings me to my next challenge, cooking. In our household, I cook every day except for one. We allow ourselves one day, usually on the weekend, where we eat out for lunch (I’ll still make breakfast on this day). Otherwise, meals are made at home. For some, planning weekly menus work. I tried this route, but ultimately it wasn’t for me. I enjoy just creating something with what I have in my fridge/pantry. Whatever leftovers I have from one day will be turned into something different for the next. I found that making a variety of meals daily keeps everyone from getting bored of the same thing over and over (especially when you have picky eaters). To make it easier on myself, I try to bulk cook breakfast on Sunday or Monday mornings to have enough for the next day. It gives me a little head start for the week.
Figure out if meal prepping, meal ordering, bulk cooking/freezing, or cooking on demand works better for your family dynamic. For us, I cook more on demand and like to cook in bulk. Stovetop breakfasts are usually reserved for weekends and Monday mornings. The rest of the week are simpler meals, smoothies, yogurt bowls, or avocado toast for example. This morning routine works best for me and my schedule. Then, I’ll begin lunch when my daughter finishes her classes (typically before or by noon) and bulk cook that meal, so I have enough for leftovers. Those leftovers get turned into something else the next day. For example, if I have BBQ chicken, rice and some veggies one day and I have some chicken left over. The next day, I can shred the chicken, toast some sourdough and melt some pepper jack cheese on top. I then add in the BBQ chicken, and I have an entirely different meal but didn’t have to cook more chicken all over again.
The more you cook, the more creative you become with your meals. For me, it’s about minimizing time and maximizing my ingredients. I enjoy watching cooking and homesteading videos, where homemakers make every single meal from scratch and their table spread looks beautiful. Do I wish that I could do that every day? Sure. Is it feasible for me? No. Am I going to get down on myself for not being able to do that? Of course not (well maybe sometimes). But I know and understand that everyone’s life and schedule are different. What works for some people may not work for me and what works for me may not work for you. If you’re a family that orders pre-made meal preps that works too. Or if you’re someone who doesn’t mind eating the same recipes every week, then go for that. Find what works for you and your family. Save yourself time where you can and don’t be hard on yourself if not every meal is made from scratch. As long as everyone’s fed, that’s a win!
Now for the flexible responsibilities like grocery shopping and cleaning. I wish I had an amazing cleaning schedule to share with you on how to keep your house spotless. But I don’t. Is my house clean? Yes, most days. Is it spotless? No, I have kids and a husband. Is it tidy? Yes, most of the time (thanks to decluttering). There are many blogs, podcasts and pages dedicated to cleaning, so I won’t bore you with too much advice on this topic. Some of my favorites are https://cappuccinoandfashion.com/ and https://www.thehomeadmin.com/ . Madeline and Stacie have great advice and tools to help you with decluttering and minimizing the stress of cleaning. In my season of life, I realize my home is not going to look like a pristine model home. My family lives here, we eat, play, school, work and relax here. It’s going to look lived in, we are not robots.
What really helped us was decluttering (currently still working on it). Having less clutter in general means less mess. And seeing less mess, decreases the feeling of overwhelm and stress from all that clutter. Other simple changes can help, like immediately washing the dish once you’re done using it, instead of thinking “oh I’ll get to that later”. Avoid making it harder on yourself by putting it off and letting it pile up. This helped me out a ton, especially since we don’t have a dishwasher. I’ll even wash the dishes as I’m cooking to avoid that pileup after. Another tip is to include your children by having them contribute with age-appropriate chores. My daughter helps by making her bed, putting away her own toys, helping fold and put away her laundry, set the table, and help put the clean dishes away. Although kids may do things at their own pace, or fold in their own way, it’s important for them to feel involved, especially when they’re so little. They really just want to be with you. For me, even though there’s moments I’d just like to hurry up and get it done, it’s sometimes easier for me to just have my daughter help me out. I can talk with her while she’s helping, I don’t have to constantly stop what I’m doing to check on her, and she’s not whining that she’s bored because she’s involved with what I’m doing.
Grocery shopping happens during the week and never on the weekends (except for emergencies). I understand this may not be feasible for everyone or their schedules. I also understand that some families like to use this time as an outing together. I used to only be able to shop on the weekends when working and I despised it. I don’t think anyone really wants to spend their days off in grocery stores that are filled with crowds of people and carts (at least I didn’t). I would sometimes shop at 8pm Friday night just because I didn’t want to spend a minute of my days off in a grocery store. Now, we do our best to only shop during the week, at times where there’s usually less people. If you buy in bulk, it’s good to keep an eye on specials during the week and take advantage of those. Some people like to shop day by day for each meal. Some prefer grocery delivery to save time. Everyone’s shopping dynamic will look differently. It doesn’t mean one way is right or better than the other, it’s just about finding what works best for you and your household.
3. Finding Activities Within The Community
Staying home all the time can get frustrating, not just as a parent but also for kids. We were meant to get outside, change the scenery, get some sun and fresh air. There’s so much we can do but sometimes we don’t know about the options we have. Especially, if you’re not used to having the extra time like me. I needed to incorporate ways to take my daughter out to socialize, be a child and play.
Go to the park every once in a while. Get some sun, fresh air and get out of the house. Kids need the freedom to run and play, and parents need the change of scenery. If the weather where you live allows, make it at least a weekly activity or however works for your schedule. Even if there aren’t any other parents or kids there, it’s much needed to get out of the house. Kids need to get their energy out and it can be hard to do that in the home. Plus, you have a higher chance of them going down for a nap easier after exerting all that energy. Which means you’ll have a bit of quiet time to yourself to catch up on things. Or you can join them and take that nap too (no shame here!).
Most cities have some sort of children’s museum or activity center. This is another avenue I loved taking advantage of to get us out of the house. We would get there right about the time when it opened, and she would run free for a few hours before heading home for lunch. There’s a variety of things for kids to do and they’re having fun playing by themselves, playing with you or making new friends. My daughter would play by herself for a while, join in with other kids at a different section of the museum, or sometimes have me join in and play with her. I enjoyed these days because she was enjoying herself, we were out of the house, and she was able to socialize with other kids her age.
Get involved with your local community. Chances are, there are other moms in your area who stay home with their children as well. Some Cities offer enrichment classes for kids of all ages. Whether it be sports, art, dance or reading, there’s a variety to choose from. My daughter loved her art class. It was specifically for toddlers, and they made messy art and crafts. It was something we both looked forward to every week. It gave her a fun, group like setting, with kids her age to socialize and create. It’s a nice way for parents to socialize too. Sometimes, the city would offer themed classes as well, such as Spider-man or Bluey. She really enjoyed those. For holidays like Valentines, Easter, Halloween, or Christmas there would be an event that kids can come to and play fun activities to celebrate that holiday. This year, there was a 4th of July drone show with a variety of vendors at the park for families to enjoy. This was our first time going and we had a great time. Check your local area to see what events are happening near you that you and your child can enjoy.
4. Having your own outlets/hobbies
Having your own outlets or hobbies is so important. Time for yourself is a necessity, not only for self-care and mental health but to help with avoiding burnout as well. Mom guilt hit me hard, and I struggled doing things for myself or ever putting me first. I believed that I always had to give everything I had towards my kids and family. I thought, if they didn’t have every second of my time, I was a bad mom. It was difficult at first to rewire my thinking, but it was a necessary change and beneficial to us all. Some current outlets I enjoy happen to be exercise, reading, writing, browsing around Barnes & Noble and most recently, baking sourdough. All of these things don’t happen every day, but I make sure to fit in some me time whenever I can.
Before staying home, work kept me occupied. It kept my brain busy, I was conversating with other adults, I had some sort of independence and let’s not forget a steady income. In a sense, work is like a “break” away from home for some. When I was no longer working, I had lost that. There was no break, it was a different mental load I was not prepared for. I wasn’t around adults most of the day anymore. My conversations now consisted of me narrating to my toddler every single thing I was doing. It was isolating at times and it’s easy to lose your sense of self. This is why it’s so important to have these things that make you feel like you, that fill your cup and give you a break from the mental load of being a Sahm.
One thing I enjoyed while working was getting in some sort of exercise or going to the gym. For a lot of people, like myself, this can be a form of therapy. Taking the time to honor, appreciate and challenge my body does wonders for both my mental and physical health. Taking care of myself and prioritizing my health makes me a better mom. I am more patient, less irritable, more confident and feel better overall. There are so many different ways to get in some exercise. You could join a sport, yoga or dance class, walk, Pilates, running or strength training, choose whatever you enjoy.
Just like there are classes offered for kids, there are classes also offered for adults. This gives you the opportunity to connect with other adults and get that social time that is much needed. There are baking classes, crochet, art, ceramics and plenty more. You can join a book club or mom group. Anything you still enjoy or enjoyed before children you can still do. Maybe not as often as before but you don’t have to give up everything once you have children. I recommend you check out to see what your local community has to offer.
It can be challenging sometimes to do things for yourself without feeling that overwhelming mom guilt (at least it is for me). But we can’t pour from an empty cup. So, take that class, get your gym session in, or go to that girl’s night. It is a necessity to take time for yourself to recharge. It’s not selfish and you’re not a bad mom for wanting to prioritize yourself sometimes. You will feel better both mentally and physically. Not to mention, you are recharging your mental battery. You do everything for everyone else all the time. Do something you enjoy too!
5. Communicate with your partner
When you and your partner make the decision that you will be staying home and raising children, it’s very important that you are on the same page. It may not be easy at first, but it is necessary to setting the foundation of how your household will function. Communication is key! Set goals together and share what is requested of each other. What tasks and responsibilities will you be taking on, how will they be contributing, what can be interchangeable between you both when the other has a lot on their plate that day? It’s important to note early on that you are a team, raising a family, nurturing a marriage, and keeping a home. If your partner thinks that because they bring home the income, that’s all that they have to contribute to the household, well, sorry to say but that probably won’t last. Being a homemaker is technically 24/7 unpaid work. There is no luxury of clocking out and going home to kick your feet up, while scrolling through social media the rest of the day. Not even working mothers do this, they come home and handle business. This is why it’s so crucial early on to have these conversations. Are they able to help with bedtime routines, dishes after dinner, school pickups or homework help? Can you pick up each other’s tasks if one of you are sick or has an appointment? In order for this dynamic to work, there needs to be a lot of support and understanding from both ends.
As a recovering perfectionist, I had a really hard time with giving tasks to other people. My mentality was, “If I don’t do it myself, it’s not going to get done right”. Thinking this way, for me, was sort of toxic and very overwhelming. It was such a challenge to let go of perfection with the way that I do things and expecting others to do it the very same way. I was only adding more of the mental load on myself and creating more unnecessary work for thinking this way. You don’t need to do it all yourself. I mean you can, and if you truly enjoy it then more power to you, but you don’t have to. Utilize your team. Some people don’t have the “village” that it takes to raise children. But what some do have, like me are children and a husband. My oldest has chores, as does my youngest (age appropriate of course). My husband constantly asks me what I need help with today. I used to want and try doing it all myself and quickly would get burnt out. I didn’t want to give out tasks because I wanted things to be perfect and it wasn’t perfect unless I did it. Letting go of that perfection allowed me to have a lot more help, which lightened the mental and physical load of running a home. Is the laundry folded to perfection? No, but it’s clean and put away. Are the dishes organized neatly? Maybe not, but there’s not a pile of dirty dishes waiting for me in the sink. My daughter folds and puts away her own clothes, sets and clears her dishes from the table, and will run around the house with a Swiffer dust mop. It may not look perfect, but she gets the satisfaction that she’s helping and she’s learning responsibility in the process. Meanwhile, I have one less pile of laundry to put away and can wipe down the already cleared dinner table. Outsourcing some chores to your kids, teaches them responsibility and includes them as part of the team in the family. Utilize your team.
My next tip would be working together with your partner to create shifts. By shifts, I don’t mean like a day or night shift. Unless, your household works better this way for you and your partner, then go for it. What I’m talking about is being supportive of scheduling your me time shifts. For example, my husband’s hobby and form of exercise happens to be soccer. He plays soccer Tuesday, Thursday and Saturday evenings. That means, I’ll drop off my son to practice and do something with my daughter those days. Those evening shifts are mine. This is his way of filling his cup and supplements his mental and physical health, by doing something that he truly enjoys. Monday, Wednesdays and Fridays, I have my time to exercise while he takes over this shift of caring for the kids. Of course, life happens, and sometimes there are appointments or things come up and we have to switch days. But we always try our best to keep each other accountable and make sure we give each other our personal time for our outlets. Find time in your schedules to support each other’s hobbies, even if it’s just one day a week.
6. Enjoy the seasons
Motherhood is full of constantly changing seasons. Some seasons will be busy. These may look like, sick kids, Doctors appointments, the start of school or sports seasons, holiday travels or home repairs. You might have so much going on that you feel you’re hardly managing. Other seasons will be slower. These are times for more intention, more quality time and more rest. I’ve learned to appreciate both. I know eventually my kids will be grown and won’t require so much assistance from me. My house won’t always be this messy. I won’t always have my daughters’ toys in the most random places or have my son’s cologne linger our hallways before school. My time with them is precious and it really does go by fast. Accept the messiness of motherhood. Give grace on the imperfect days and cherish the perfect ones. Because before you know it, another year has gone by.
Realize that nothing is permanent. Do I have days when I want to go back into an office and work. Yes, a steady income and socializing with other adults daily do sound tempting sometimes. But then I look at my daughter and realize, I wouldn’t want to miss these moments. There will be a time when I can go back to work. A time when she won’t rely on me as often, when she is older and more independent. For now, I don’t want to miss the basketball games, art classes, or activities that I currently can go to, because I have that opportunity.
Avoid perfectionism and comparison. This was a big one for me. Realize that social media homemakers are showing their highlight reel. Their reality may not look like your reality. Everyone has different circumstances, family dynamics, and are in different seasons of life. Don’t be so hard on yourself. For the first 3 years of staying home, I wasn’t in the mental state to be on social media. I deleted all accounts and focused my attention on my family and myself. I’m not saying you need to go to those extremes, but realize that it’s ok to take a break, to unfollow or to shift your attention elsewhere. I have found that, the key to homemaking is creating a foundation your family can thrive in. Creating a household that you are proud of, while still enjoying and without losing yourself.
Not for everyone but a blessing
Transitioning from a working mom to a stay-at-home mom taught me a lot. I realize that I am in a privileged position because not a lot of moms have this opportunity like I did. I didn’t with my first. But now that I do with my second, I can’t help but feel grateful for being able to have the blessing to raise and be there for my family full time. It’s not without its challenges and it’s not always glamourous but it’s an opportunity that I would recommend, if you ever have the chance. I can finally say, I’ve grown into my role as a Sahm, and I really enjoy it. This adjustment was a new challenge for me. It took me a while to find my own rhythm, regain my confidence, find myself again and enjoy the season of raising kids from home. Now, I just want to clarify, I am nowhere near perfect. I still have days where I struggle with routine, have low self-esteem, mom guilt, and wonder if I’m doing a good enough job. These just happen to be tips that have helped me through my Sahm season and hopefully they can help you as well.
If you feel you are really struggling and nothing is seeming to help, I encourage you to seek out assistance and speak to someone. If you’re able to, talk with a therapist, trusted friend or family member. Don’t be afraid or feel ashamed to ask for help. This does not make you a bad mom. Taking care of yourself and mental health IS taking care of your family. Don’t forget, Moms (working or stay-at-home) are wonder women! 👑